At some point, you, have probably desired to have a mentor. Someone who is there to guide you on your journey and point you in the right direction to success. This person would make sure you got connected to all of the right people, speak to your amazing character as a reference for a new job, and hold you accountable to the goals you both have set together.

This has never happened for me.

At least, not in the way I imagined it. In the past, I had always viewed a mentor as a singular force in my life bestowing wisdom on me at regular interviews. A sort of life and career sherpa that is always there when I need them.

What I got was a bunch of, “I’m so proud of you,” and “You got this!” whenever I talked with someone older.

For years I wondered, why am I just getting kudos for the things I made happen for myself instead of someone actively working to help me make those things happen?

I didn’t want praise. I wanted guidance.

Then it hit me one day like a ton of bricks about why I didn’t have a mentor.

I was thinking about it all wrong. The three mistakes I made were:

1. I didn’t ask for mentorship.
2. I didn’t have my own specific vision for my life.
3. I thought mentorship was what someone gave to me.

I Didn’t Ask For Mentorship

The number one reason why many people have not received the mentorship they desire is that they have not asked for it.

You have to ASK.

It doesn’t just happen. You have to affirmatively make a request of someone to mentor you. If you don’t shoot off the red flare, they won’t know you actually desire help.

The problem with having some success but not all that you desire is that people cannot see how you might be struggling beneath the surface because everything looks great in your life from above.

I Didn’t Have a Specific Vision For My Life

Secondly, you have to have a set vision for your life. People can be so much more helpful to you when they have something specific, defined, and time-boxed to help with. You have to do the work to get to a place where you can say what you definitively want for your life.

It’s easier to start by understanding the things you do not want to do. The hard work is being able to speak in the affirmative about what you do want to do. The more specific vision you have for your life, the easier it will be for others to help you get there. If you are trying to figure out a specific vision for your life, start by reading and researching lots of people that you admire in books, profiles, interviews, and documentaries. Seeing how other people approached their life can help you find the pieces that fit together to shape your own vision.

I Thought Mentorship Was What Somone Gave To Me

Lastly, mentorship is about what you can give to another person. As a mentee, your job is to hold your mentor accountable for providing you what you need to succeed. That means it is on you to ask for things, schedule regular meetings (and show up on time for them), and show progress toward whatever it is you are trying to achieve.

Make it easy for someone to give their time to you and reward them with continued progress.

Doing these things will allow you to get the most from the relationship you build with a mentor.

Summary

In summary, the reason why you don’t have a mentor is because you haven’t asked for one, you don’t have a specific vision for your life, or you are expecting the mentor to do the heavy lifting of making the relationship meaningful.

All of these things are in your control.

I guarantee that if you do these three things you will get a mentor.

You will be presenting yourself as an investment in doing something good versus a time suck in someone else’s already busy life.

For those of you who already have a strong mentor relationship, hold on to them. They will help you get the most out of your life and are a true source of wisdom.