One Key to Happiness

I am not a happiness guru, but I do live a well-adjusted life.

One of the ways that I have stayed happy and balanced in this sometimes unforgiving world is by following this rule:

Expect more from yourself and slightly less from others.

Simple, yes. But this idea becomes powerful when put into action. This mindset will make you both competent and tolerant, valuable and easy-going, and disciplined and caring.

The reason why this rule works to help you stay happy is that by having higher expectations of yourself you:

• Focus intensely on what you can actually control
• Become more self-reflective
• Make ruthless iteration part of your process
• Develop habits that help you achieve the outcomes you desire
• Achieve goals that are beyond what others around you are doing
• Start to think more highly of yourself and your capabilities

Having slightly lower expectations of others will help you:

• Become more forgiving
• Focus on how others add value versus what they do wrong
• Provide space for surprise and delight when expectations are consistently met
• Become more discerning about people who present well but don’t deliver
• Appreciate others who hold themselves to a much higher standard

For this to work, you have to remember to do both. If you have the same high expectations for yourself and others, this will lead to disappointment and resentment of the people around you.

If you expect less from yourself, you won’t be able to cope when you don’t meet your own expectations because you know the bar was already low. You’ll think to yourself, “That was supposed to be easy and I couldn’t even do that.” You’ll also be afraid to push yourself to new heights.

Additionally, you should not have low expectations of others, you should just have lower expectations of others than you do for yourself. You do not want to get in the habit of always encouraging others to do less and accepting it. Force those around you to raise their game also. Just keep in mind that they may not be able to do it to the same level as yourself. When they consistently meet or exceed your expectations, you’ll know that you have met someone in your life that you need to keep around.

There’s a longer post to write about how to deal with family or people you love who consistently don’t meet your slightly lower expectations. My short response is to only engage with them infrequently and only in situations where it will be harder for them to disappoint. We’re talking about your happiness here so you should maximize that as much as you can at the expense of taking time to deal with them.

In short, keep high expectations of yourself and slightly lower expectations of others. It’s a win-win for your happiness and relationships.