Keep Livin'

Many of my regular readers may have noticed that my recent publishing schedule has been less than regular.

This has been for two reasons:

1. I started back on my fitness journey and I’m looking to drop 20 lbs over the next 6 months. This will get me back to my fighting weight so I can keep up my with soon-to-be here nephew over the coming years. The easiest way to keep me accountable is to check in and ask me how my workouts are going. I mixing in a series of Peloton and Nike Training workouts about 5 times a week. I’m in the middle of week 3 of 24 so far and haven’t missed any days yet!
2. In news that will make you realize how fast life can change, the youngest cousin of my generation on my father’s side was killed last week. He was only 20 and still had the world in front of him. Gone too soon is an understatement and there is so much more of life that I wished we could have shared together. I still had game to give him and I wanted to learn more about his journey to manhood. So between my fits of disbelief and sadness, there lies but one emotion: grief. With any loss, you go through bouts of “what'-ifs” but I’ve been down this path enough times to know that that is never helpful. All you can really do is cherish the past moments, remain aware of your emotions in the present, and plan for a better future. As, I check in daily with my emotions, I realize that I’ve become good at coping. Almost too good really. I’m still learning how to be sad and sit in the feeling for a moment. It’s an emotion that I always push away quickly or simply refuse to conjure up at all. But I do think back to the words of my grandmother in these moments and that is to “keep livin’.” To know life is to know loss. You may question the why’s and even search for the how’s in situations like this, but what is important is to always remember that loss isn’t the absence of life. It’s the fulfillment of it. It’s a requirement and part of the contract. You have to honor it, no matter how painful, because it’s what you agreed to when you decided to live. So the only way I really know to honor his memory is to keep livin’. To strive and to struggle. To hustle. To pause and reflect. To love and to be sad in moments. To be aware and to feel. To simply be.