Dealing With Doubt
How is it possible to trust myself to do something I have never done before? What about if I failed at it previously? I don’t know if I can do this thing because it is so hard and complicated. What if I mess up? Won’t I be embarrassed or won’t people laugh at me? Maybe I shouldn’t try at all so that I won’t fail and then things will be ok and and and…
That’s doubt speaking.
Its voice is a whisper but always sounds so reasonable and convincing. Doubt can be persuasive.
But it’s often wrong.
Dead wrong.
Doubt is the barrier you put up between who you think you are and who you are called to be. It prevents you from trying, from taking risks, and from living fully.
Doubt is insidious.
But it can be tamed, broken in, and bent to your will.
You can conquer your doubt. It is not undefeatable, nor insurmountable and everyone has to deal with it. Overcoming doubt daily is just a matter of strategy and mindset.
The four strategies I use to conquer doubt are to (1) reframe it, (2) write it down, (3) score the reasonableness of it, and (4) create an action plan to address it.
At end of each step, if I still feel doubt, I move to the next one.
Reframe doubt as a positive thing. Doubt means you are being thoughtful and is the first step in analyzing a situation. It’s just discernment directed at yourself. You have failed before and your doubt is a recognition of that. Also, the situation may be new to you so your doubt is allowing you to approach it with open eyes versus blindly rushing in. Reframing doubt in this way will turn that perceived mountain in front of you into a hill that can be conquered.
Write your doubt down to give it shape. You may not have a clear picture of your doubt or where it comes from. It can appear as this great unknown beast that is approaching you rapidly and that is why doubt can be so paralyzing. You need to give it shape, color in the details of it, and give it clear boundaries. The process of writing it down will help your mind uncover what your doubt is really all about in the moment. Write down the what, why, and where of doubt. The sentence structure you can use is, “I am feeling [insert what emotion you are feeling] about [insert why your doubt is keeping your from doing an activity] because I am not sure [insert where you think your doubt is coming from].” A sample sentence can be something like, “I am feeling nervous giving a presentation to my colleagues because I am not sure that I will sound smart in front of them and they will think I am not fit for the role” or “I am feeling anxious about getting engaged to my partner because I am unsure if I can stay committed over the coming years.” This will give your doubt shape and allow you to strategize on how to address it or just outright dismiss it.
Write down the what, why, and where of doubt. The sentence structure you can use is, “I am feeling [insert what emotion you are feeling] about [insert why your doubt is keeping your from doing an activity] because I am not sure [insert where you think your doubt is coming from].”
Score the reasonableness of your doubt. On a scale of 1-4, how reasonable is your doubt? (Yes, this is also a reference to my favorite rapper). Should you really doubt your skills or ability to do this? I use the following scale:
1 - Not reasonable at all. I can definitely do this.
2 - Some caution is needed, but still doable.
3 - I understand why I am unsure and it will take some effort to overcome this but I have an idea of what I should do.
4 - I’m lost. I don’t even know where to begin.
Anything that is a 3 or below, stop here and just do the thing. You’re no longer climbing a hill, you are only facing a speed bump. It may take you a little longer to accomplish what you are setting out to do but you will definitely get it done. I’m not even asking you to trust yourself at this step. I’m just asking you to take action. One thing I have learned in my life is that you don’t need to know if you can do a thing, you only need to know if you have the desire to do it. If you can think of multiple approaches, the overwhelming majority of them will most likely work, though one is probably more optimized than the others. In these situations, trade efficiency for action. Just do it.
If you are at a “4”, move on to the last step.
Create a plan action around your doubt. Now that you have written out your doubt to give it shape and identified the what, why, and where of it, it is time to create a plan to address it. Focus on the “where” part of your sentence. In the relationship situation above, the doubt is coming from the person’s belief in their ability to stay committed over a long period of time. They could create a plan to commit to something smaller, like reading or drinking a certain amount of water per day for a 2 week period. Build confidence by getting a small win first and then building upon it. If the doubt is external, in that they doubt their partner in some way, then they could create a plan on how to verbalize those feelings with the other person. Through conversation, they may be able to work through what they would need to see to move past their initial doubts. At a minimum, it’ll provide more clarity to help with their decision making.
This is my four-step framework for dealing with doubt. Give it a try the next time you find yourself stuck.