The Eagle Has Landed! Now Comes the Hard Part...
We welcomed our baby girl Kennedy to the world on Monday, 7/11.
Here's a couple of quick pointers for new fathers (or non-birthing/non-feeding partners):
- Nobody exaggerates about the number of diapers and wipes you will use. It's truly astounding (and a great business to be in).
- Respect the swaddle. It works wonders so practice, practice, practice while you have professionals to coach you in the hospital! You know you got it right when the baby stops crying. (Note: I'm an elite swaddler.)
- Take on as much help as available to you, even if you feel you don't need it. There's no extra brownie points for suffering more. Your ego wants you to think you need to do everything yourself. You don't. Take the help.
- Read/watch EVERYTHING they give you about newborn care. It's helpful and will give you peace of mind. You'll know what to expect and be able to help keep your partner calm through all of the ups and downs of learning to support a new human. Even if you've been through it before, it never hurts to refresh.
- No need to be gentle or quiet with the baby. They're very well built. Now don't be rough. Be intentional as you're moving them about or positioning them. Just remember to support the neck and bottom and you're 95% of the way there.
- A non-birthing partner has MUCH to contribute. Don't sit on your butt and just scroll the phone. Be useful. See below for specific tips.
Ways to Support as a Non-Birthing Partner
- Give encouragement to mom and remind her to care for herself. She is going to need to be reminded to give grace to herself (and to wash her face, eat, hydrate, etc.).
- Stay on top of the feeding schedule for both mom [she needs to eat/hydrate too!] and baby. Gently remind when it's time for a feeding and if bottle feeding, take on some shifts. Also, stay on top of breakfast/lunch/dinner/snacks for your partner. They should constantly be eating a balanced and nutritious diet.
- Keep detailed records of feeding and poop/pee diaper occurrences. Be ready to sync with the care team on this info. It goes such a long way.
- Become the family communicator. There's lots of updates to give and pictures to send out. Take lead on ensuring family and friends get all of the updates. Pro-tip: Include your partner on those messages to mutual friends/family so they can get read those positive messages too (remember, encourage mom!). At a minimum, share the excitement and praise of others with her.
- Clean all of the things and keep all of the things organized. You'll appreciate having easy access to diapers, wipes, creams, gowns, change of clothes, etc.
- Ask detailed questions of the care team. No question is to too small to ask. There is no need to guess, make assumptions, or take everything you read online as gospel. Ask and make sure you have a clear understanding of everything that is going on.
- Keep all of the documentation organized. There are plenty of forms to fill out. Take the lead on these things for your partner.
- Nap. A great time to get some quick shut eye is when mom is feeding so you can have energy to support when she is not.
- Take a TON of photos. Newborns change by the hour it seems. Take photos of the mundane, the exciting, and everything in between. Take plenty photos of your baby and with mom doing all of the tasks. Remember to get pictures with YOU in them too and take pictures with and of your CARE TEAM (if they're comfortable with it)! It'll be a nice to remember some of the people that helped bring life in the world.
- Create a playlist. It's important to have tunes pre birth, during the process, and for recovery. Aim to have about 7 hours of songs that you want your little one to hear as they are welcomed into this world (there was a ton of Beyoncè for our little girl - we want her to grown up strong).
(Important note: I may use the term 'mom' and 'she' at times above but I want to acknowledge that there is a spectrum of people that give birth. I'm learning and growing on this topic so bear with me.)
I'm excited about the journey ahead but wanted to share some tips for those who may be next in line with a newborn.