On the Precipice of Fatherhood

Waiting for a human to arrive feels very similar to hopping into a car to drive for the first time.

It's something that you may have wanted to do your whole life, but once you're behind the steering wheel you're hit with a sudden wave of responsibly and terror. You could seriously hurt somebody or somebody could seriously hurt you.

As with driving for the first time, fatherhood starts by putting everything in reverse.

You immediately start thinking about all of the things that have brought you to this point. The good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly. You immediately began to fear that all of your shortcomings is going to ruin this little person. That somehow, someway, you may not be the right person for the job.

One of my good friends had to remind me of a simple truth - God chose you to be the parent to this very specific human. Not anyone else but you. You can run from it or embrace it, however, the truth remains that you were chosen.

What I have been telling myself over and over again to deal with the anxious excitement is simply:

Be what's needed in the moment.

Sometimes the little one will need me to be strong. Sometimes she'll need me to be vulnerable. Most of the time, she'll just need me to be there.

I don't need to be all things all of the time. I just need to be what's needed in the moment – to both my daughter and wife (I fortunate that I get to co-parent).

All I can really do is accept that I will fail spectacularly at some point and be magnificent in others. Whatever the moment calls for, I'll just do that. And when I can't, I'll trust those around me to help out.