Lessons From Year One of Marriage

Duane Rollins -

I’ve been away for a bit celebrating a major milestone – I made it through one year of marriage!

Now that I’m an “expert,” here are a few tips that might be helpful to others.

  1. Develop a shared vision of success. Marriage is a business decision along with being a romantic one. Upfront, both parties should set a vision for what success in this arrangement will look like. Being explicit about this helps keep your relationship moving toward your north star. Some couples do this exercise through marriage counseling. Whatever you do, just make sure you go through this process, ideally before you jump the broom.
  2. Talk about finances regularly. Set joint goals for where you want to be financially and revisit your plan quarterly. It is worth having a financial planner to help you come up with this plan and mediate these conversations as a neutral party. This will keep you both working toward the same financial future, especially since there is a good chance this generation won’t be getting our social security (a topic for another day).
  3. You don’t have to define roles, but you should assign chores. This helps with accountability because you are working together as a team. You both will know how much weight the other person is carrying. Also, if you both are agreeing to the chores upfront, it’ll make sit easier to have a conversation about them when expectations aren’t being met. This division of labor will help you both be more effective in the relationship.
  4. Have an annual review with each other, but you only get to give feedback about yourself. Talk to each other about things you want to improve on from your side of the relationship. It is less contentious when you are only giving feedback about yourself and your partner will appreciate that you are noticing areas where you can improve.
  5. Buy a few things around the house that you both equally love. It’s a simple way to spark joy in random moments daily. This could be furniture, art, wall decor, an air fryer (game-changer), or anything else that makes you both smile whenever you look at it.

I’ll revisit this list in the future, but for now I’ll enjoy successfully putting the first year behind us.